Ah, but death and happiness are not so far removed, non? I have died many times, in many ways, and yet here I am— still smiling, still chasing joy. There is a peculiar bliss in surrendering to the end, if only to rise again and taste life anew.
So you see, père... one needn't choose between the two.
Heh... you speak as though my soul were still intact to begin with. But I appreciate the sentiment, truly.
[Lobelia's voice dropping to something quieter— less flippant, though no less self-assured.]
Besides, there's a certain... clarity that comes with dying. You learn what truly lingers when everything else falls away. I would not trade that knowledge for anything.
Why do you think it's not? Because you're a sinner?
[Aren't they all sinners, under the light of God?]
Hm. [A chilling admission. His own expression seems a little more somber, troubled.] Knowledge is one thing. I think it doesn't lead you to your happiness, though.
Ah, mais non, not because of sin. Sin requires repentance, non? And I have none to give.
[He smiles, and while not where Hansa can see it, surely he can hear it in his voice. It's the kind of smile that might belong to a man confessing something he's long made peace with.]
You may be right about knowledge. It is a fine substitute for happiness, though. It's cold, bright, and heavy enough to fill the void when joy will not come.
...I don't know if I believe that. One can always find repentance. Or maybe it hasn't found you, yet. The only ones who have no repentance are walking corpses.
[Sad, how sad. He doesn't want to pity the man, and he won't allow himself too. Still, it feels like staring down at someone down a well, who wants to live there.]
Then you need to find something who will fill that. Someone, even. The world is your oyster. It still is open to you.
[Then is he merely a walking corpse? The thought annoys him. Absurd, insulting, and yet it lingers. Lobelia scoffs under his breath, a brittle sound that fails to fully mask his irritation.
It's been some time since anyone’s managed to dig their fingers in quite so deep. Father Hansa does have a talent for it, doesn't he?]
Oh? You speak like an expert on the subject. I wouldn't have guessed you were a marieur as well as a priest.
Well then, won't you point me in the right direction? Don't tell me the rest is in my hands.
What a shame! And here I thought you could do it all.
[Alas...]
Take your time thinking of clever questions, ma cher Père. I shall concoct a few of my own for you, too. In the meantime... do take care of yourself, oui? I would hate to miss our next meeting because of some preventable misfortune.
....That so. [And his expression is sombering once more.] Either way. I hope you help. It would be a shame to have you sit out and let us do all the work.
Oui... I suppose that would be a shame, wouldn't it? Watching from the sidelines has never been my style. But worry not, Père. If the horrors come calling, I'll be sure to answer in kind. You may yet find that I am the one doing the saving.
Still... I appreciate the sentiment. It's nice to be offered a place to fall, even if I don't plan to use it.
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I thought you wanted happiness, not death. You're really confusing me here, Lobelia.
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So you see, père... one needn't choose between the two.
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That's sad. Don't die again, Lobelia. Tasting death so many times only erodes the soul, I'd think.
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[Lobelia's voice dropping to something quieter— less flippant, though no less self-assured.]
Besides, there's a certain... clarity that comes with dying. You learn what truly lingers when everything else falls away. I would not trade that knowledge for anything.
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[Aren't they all sinners, under the light of God?]
Hm. [A chilling admission. His own expression seems a little more somber, troubled.] Knowledge is one thing. I think it doesn't lead you to your happiness, though.
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[He smiles, and while not where Hansa can see it, surely he can hear it in his voice. It's the kind of smile that might belong to a man confessing something he's long made peace with.]
You may be right about knowledge. It is a fine substitute for happiness, though. It's cold, bright, and heavy enough to fill the void when joy will not come.
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[Sad, how sad. He doesn't want to pity the man, and he won't allow himself too. Still, it feels like staring down at someone down a well, who wants to live there.]
Then you need to find something who will fill that. Someone, even. The world is your oyster. It still is open to you.
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It's been some time since anyone’s managed to dig their fingers in quite so deep. Father Hansa does have a talent for it, doesn't he?]
Oh? You speak like an expert on the subject. I wouldn't have guessed you were a marieur as well as a priest.
Well then, won't you point me in the right direction? Don't tell me the rest is in my hands.
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[Speak to him in his mother language Please...put some SPANISH into it binch....]
Hm? You want me to guide you? [So he's open to it? That's good.] I'd like to get to know you better. But I'll see where I can help.
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[What have the Spanish ever done for the Skydom?]
Ah, but do not treat me like some enigma to be unraveled! If you have a question, ask. I am an open book, oui?
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[What relationships?]
Hm. That so? I'll have to think of some good questions, then. Maybe you have some for me, down the line.
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[Alas...]
Take your time thinking of clever questions, ma cher Père. I shall concoct a few of my own for you, too. In the meantime... do take care of yourself, oui? I would hate to miss our next meeting because of some preventable misfortune.
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[A little dully, as he moves to stand.]
We already have preventable misfortune on our hands.
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[Not that Lobelia sounds bothered, much less frightened.]
There may well be more carnage to come. These things are rarely isolated incidents.
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You really don't seem bothered.
[An observation.]
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[It's a fair observation, one he isn't surprised Hansa called him on... but he was hoping he wouldn't.]
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Yes! Please. Shake and tremble and ask for this humble priest to come save you from the horrors.
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[He laughs, unbothered, as though the notion of being frightened truly never occurred to him.]
Alas... I've lived with horrors far more intimate than this place could conjure. You'll forgive me if my nerves have grown dull.
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[Hehehe.]
....That so. [And his expression is sombering once more.] Either way. I hope you help. It would be a shame to have you sit out and let us do all the work.
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Still... I appreciate the sentiment. It's nice to be offered a place to fall, even if I don't plan to use it.
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[Hmmph.]
Maybe one day, you will have to. And I'll be there. So.....I'll see you around, Lobelia.
[And he's walking away, into this new night of death.]