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GRAVEYARD
THE MUSEUM
So, you’ve met your end and regardless of your beliefs, the expectation is that is where things end. Rebirth. Damnation. Salvation. A simple black screen… None of those things happen; how (un)fortunate for you. How jarring it must be to have your last moments not be your final moments. On the bright side, all the injuries you’ve sustained are no longer present. You’re as good as new!
Now, whether you’ve met your end violently, peacefully, or something between the two, you’ll find yourself sat in front of a sprawling behemoth of a wall tastefully covered from floor to ceiling (where is the ceiling?) with various objects on display. All of them carefully and neatly framed or kept safe within a box attached to the wall. Not only that, but there are cages hanging from the “ceiling” that contain even more objects for viewing. However, other than the walls, the hanging cages, and the bench—there is no padding on the bench; only a cold, hard surface that does not give—you find yourself sitting on, the rest of this room is completely empty.
At least, after giving a survey of the area, it will be obvious that it isn’t an enclosed space. There is an opening to a hallway—hopefully. Only one way to find out. Spoilers, there are many, many, many other rooms that make up this place.
Oh, but just what is all out on display?
Well, it varies and depends on who is looking. The hanging cages contain skeletons of creatures from home. Whose home? Your home. It’s the same story for everything that has been framed. They’re all images, items, objects—things—from home. Your home. Fortunately, not everything is familiar as unfamiliar items are included in equal parts. How did they all get here? What are they all doing here?
Have you considered the similarities between a museum and a graveyard? Both are places where the living go to marvel at the dead.
Now, whether you’ve met your end violently, peacefully, or something between the two, you’ll find yourself sat in front of a sprawling behemoth of a wall tastefully covered from floor to ceiling (where is the ceiling?) with various objects on display. All of them carefully and neatly framed or kept safe within a box attached to the wall. Not only that, but there are cages hanging from the “ceiling” that contain even more objects for viewing. However, other than the walls, the hanging cages, and the bench—there is no padding on the bench; only a cold, hard surface that does not give—you find yourself sitting on, the rest of this room is completely empty.
At least, after giving a survey of the area, it will be obvious that it isn’t an enclosed space. There is an opening to a hallway—hopefully. Only one way to find out. Spoilers, there are many, many, many other rooms that make up this place.
Oh, but just what is all out on display?
Well, it varies and depends on who is looking. The hanging cages contain skeletons of creatures from home. Whose home? Your home. It’s the same story for everything that has been framed. They’re all images, items, objects—things—from home. Your home. Fortunately, not everything is familiar as unfamiliar items are included in equal parts. How did they all get here? What are they all doing here?
Have you considered the similarities between a museum and a graveyard? Both are places where the living go to marvel at the dead.
EXHIBIT #04 - COMFORT
Likely the first room that you’ll come across after moving from the initial room. This room feels just as grand and just as empty as that room, but at least the walls aren’t covered in things from (your) home. 
Instead, there will be surfaces to claim, if you wish. Beds, sofas, couches, chaises lounge, bean bags, you name it—if someone could consider it comfortable then it will be present in all shapes, sizes, and variations. The only real catch is that each surface will be displayed individually and cannot be moved. Obviously.
Against one of the walls is a very small plaque that reads:
[ FOR DISPLAY ONLY – DO NOT TOUCH ]
Oops.
Instead, there will be surfaces to claim, if you wish. Beds, sofas, couches, chaises lounge, bean bags, you name it—if someone could consider it comfortable then it will be present in all shapes, sizes, and variations. The only real catch is that each surface will be displayed individually and cannot be moved. Obviously.
Against one of the walls is a very small plaque that reads:
[ FOR DISPLAY ONLY – DO NOT TOUCH ]
Oops.
EXHIBIT #09 - VIEWING
What’s a museum without some sort of media installation, hm?
For this room, there is only one thing and one thing only—a projector. For much of the time the projector being on (you can’t turn it off. In fact, where is the projector?), it won’t be displaying anything but a white light on the blank wall opposite of it.
However, while the wall is blank, every so often it’s possible to hear faint voices coming from above. Especially during the night before—you know.
For this room, there is only one thing and one thing only—a projector. For much of the time the projector being on (you can’t turn it off. In fact, where is the projector?), it won’t be displaying anything but a white light on the blank wall opposite of it.
However, while the wall is blank, every so often it’s possible to hear faint voices coming from above. Especially during the night before—you know.
EXHIBIT #03 - GARDEN
It’s here that you can finally see the ceiling even if it’s still more of a “sky” than a true ceiling. 
Those with keen eyes will be able to tell that it’s an artificial sky, and, for those who are less aware, then how it randomly flickers should help with that. Or not. Regardless, the presence of a “sky” isn’t the only surprising thing about this room—it might not even be the first thing that goes noticed. Despite all the expansive and seemingly never-ending hallways that lead to rooms that are void of anything living, this room is alive. Somehow.
A small plaque on the wall will describe this exhibit as an “interactive” medium with gentle suggestions to not be too rough with anything. This exhibition will be a picturesque garden full of all kinds of flowers and plants with a small pond with lily pads and lotus located towards the center of the room. The only physical structure within this room is a very small and simple gazebo containing two chairs and a small table. Perfect for having afternoon tea—if that’s your kind of thing. However, if you were hoping to listen to any bird song, look at what animals have taken residence in the pond, or generally any other kind of life then you’ll be disappointed.
Those with keen eyes will be able to tell that it’s an artificial sky, and, for those who are less aware, then how it randomly flickers should help with that. Or not. Regardless, the presence of a “sky” isn’t the only surprising thing about this room—it might not even be the first thing that goes noticed. Despite all the expansive and seemingly never-ending hallways that lead to rooms that are void of anything living, this room is alive. Somehow.
A small plaque on the wall will describe this exhibit as an “interactive” medium with gentle suggestions to not be too rough with anything. This exhibition will be a picturesque garden full of all kinds of flowers and plants with a small pond with lily pads and lotus located towards the center of the room. The only physical structure within this room is a very small and simple gazebo containing two chairs and a small table. Perfect for having afternoon tea—if that’s your kind of thing. However, if you were hoping to listen to any bird song, look at what animals have taken residence in the pond, or generally any other kind of life then you’ll be disappointed.
EXHIBIT # — ???
Nothing is on display in this room; all that is there is just empty walls, empty “ceilings”, empty floors…
The only thing that can be found is a small, simple white card free from any kind of writing. A completely blank card. If you try to take it out of the room, it will instantly disappear from wherever it was stored and return to the room.
The only thing that can be found is a small, simple white card free from any kind of writing. A completely blank card. If you try to take it out of the room, it will instantly disappear from wherever it was stored and return to the room.
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... Perhaps they are opposites, in this regard. Their circumstances are not at all the same, but Yuki always wonders why it is he always meets failure when he tries so hard. And he's had no choice but to resign to the fact that - perhaps he was carved under an unlucky star. Perhaps there's really nothing he can do about it. All he can do is look to the future, and hope, with enough effort, things might change. They won't. But maybe, maybe, maybe...
... But Zvei has his gaze fixed on the past, and Zvei wants to know why. )
... There is nothing to apologize for. It's important to you. It's how you feel.
( He lays his other hand on top of the hand he's held, and he holds it up between them. )
... It may not mean so much coming from me, but... I don't find you lacking, or wrong. ( He isn't sure what the ending of what Zvei began to say is, so he can only guess. ) I think... if you wish to recover your memories, you have my support. They're yours; you have this right.
( ... But... )
... But... I just wish... you wouldn't be so cruel to who you are now.
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...I don't believe you'd like me very much if you knew the things I've done trying to reclaim my memories.
[It's softer than usual. An admission, finally. Because he can't keep taking and taking and taking, not after last time. Not after he told himself not to and told Amaya everything, just to ensure that she didn't keep taking from her too. It's only fair to do the same for Yuki. Yuki deserves to know what he's dealing with.]
I've done a lot of terrible things. I can't say I regret them because I was so close... But it isn't fair for me to keep lying to you. I really am quite a terrible person, you know.
[It's not self-deprecating when he says it, the usual smile tugging on the corners of his mouth. It's fact. It's the truth. He accepted it from the moment he decided he'd do anything in the name of his memories. There aren't any regrets, and there never will be, because he can't feel anything like that. Not like normal people can.]
/2
...
Yuki is a good person. In a sense, it isn't his choice to be, no more than it is his choice to be content without autonomy - he was created to be good; was given the goodness, and the fear, in his creator's soul when it was split to in two. He had gone as far as to be willing to ... understand Giyuu, if Giyuu had truly been acting on good reasons against an evil person. He has comfortably occupied the light side of the binary with little resistance since the start of his simple, simple existence.
... What did you do? (He isn't sure he wants the answer to that.) Would you do it again? (... The way Zvei speaks now, Yuki isn't certain he wants to hear it, either.) And why wait to tell me now, after I'd mourned for you? (It doesn't seem like a long-running joke.)
But Zvei grips his hand, and he calls this implicit deceit unfair. He'd let Yuki wheedle and cling, and he'd said they were friends. Is that also ...
... )
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It's not like he needs to breathe, but he exhales anyway. It's quiet. )
... You know what I value. Even knowing this, you are honest.
( Interesting that their first conversation touched a little bit on what Yuki considers good and ill... and that first trial, too, Yuki had argued quite earnestly about his beliefs. If Zvei is telling him Yuki would think it's terrible ... then maybe it really is something terrible by Yuki's standards. He won't know for certain how to judge him unless he asks.
... but... )
... Would you... throw away our friendship, too, if it meant you could get your memories back?
( It's not fair to put the ball back in Zvei's court, but. These are his flaws, as much as he tries to hide them. )
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He should let go. He knows he should let go. It becomes abundantly clear he needs to let go because that question is the last lifeline he has and he's about to throw that away too.
(When did it get so difficult to let go? Did he struggle like this when Fiona was standing in front of him, pointing her spear at him? He doesn't remember struggling. Was that the will of the Aeli, or was it his own?)]
I'd do anything for my memories. Anything.
[...
But.]
But I wouldn't want to. I... [A soft exhale. A laugh that isn't a laugh at all, really.] I threw away someone who called me a friend once. I don't want to do that again. That's why I need to make sure you know, because she didn't.
[Leave before I hurt you too he thinks. Don't leave me alone he pleads.]
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Please don't throw me away— is what he wants to say, but his voice is hoarse from always asking. Instead of begging, perhaps what he needs to do is...
... He knows what his creator would say. Choushichirou always loved the simple hearts of dolls, and condemned the deceit implicit to these traits which resembled humans - selfish, complex, and traitorous. He can hear the gentle resonance of his heart, even now, beat rapid with this inherited sentiment.
... He feels awful. Maybe this is a hallucination, after all. It's cruel in an unusual way, but still cruel. )
... Thank you for being honest.
( Very gently. His lip trembles just so slightly, but he keeps his voice steady, and forces what he feels back inside, stacked on the other feelings he's kept bound since waking up.
... )
... Despite everything... I feel this has meaning.
( Zvei doesn't want to. He wants to warn him. He's setting him loose. He's holding on. It... means something, doesn't it? Even if it is just a small island in a sea of hurt Zvei has been willing to cause. Even if Zvei might choose to flood it over.
Right now, at least, it's still here.
(Maybe Yuki's just bad at letting go.) )
... I can't approve of the things that you have chosen ... might still choose to do, if that hurts other people. ( Perhaps "might" is generous here. ) ... But I don't think someone who has only evil in his heart would say he doesn't want to throw his friends away.
( Because it means these friendships can matter almost as much. And if they can matter almost as much ... maybe ... they, or something else ... can start to matter more. Maybe Zvei can find things that are worth a little more to him than pursuing his memories regardless of collateral damage. It doesn't matter what it is.
Maybe, maybe, maybe ... things can change. If Yuki believes that about the hopelessness of his life, he thinks he can believe it for Zvei. )
... Could you let me get to know you as you are?
( ... After all, even Choushichirou... )
no subject
Zvei still can't read his expression and understand what he's thinking, what he's feeling. He can only guess, and his guess is never very close to accurate. How many times had Fiona - a woman who wore her heart on her sleeve (her words) - expressed some emotion that he couldn't possibly place that everyone around her seemed to naturally get? How is he supposed to understand the subtleties of Yuki's changing expressions? All he has to go on are the words.
But he doesn't think Yuki would lie to him. Yuki hasn't lied to him so far, and he has no reason to believe he'd start now. And more than anything, Yuki hasn't let go. For one reason or another, Zvei is being given another chance. Maybe the final one, but maybe that's all he'll need.
Two weeks ago, he wouldn't have hesitated. Two weeks ago he would have killed them all if it meant reclaiming his memories. But here and now, thinking about the ones he's fond of...
Maybe it doesn't have to be either-or. Maybe he doesn't have to keep choosing a path of violence and destruction to get what he wants. Maybe there's another option, because this world has opened his eyes to so, so much more. Perhaps somewhere there's magic or technology that will help him restore his memories without needing the power of a god to do it. Maybe things can be different.
For once, he desperately wants to believe that.]
You have my word, for whatever that means. Anything you ask of me, I'll answer honestly.
[The words leave him in a rush, saying things he can't quite express in words. Thank you for giving me another chance, maybe.]
no subject
He isn't sure if he made the right choice, but ... right now, it's a choice he can live with. He didn't want to let go. )
... Your word is worth our friendship, as is mine. I trust you.
( Well, that was a lot, and they aren't even done.
Still, he firms his grip. He... has chosen this, and he will abide by it. This is his word, in a sense. )
... What happened with your other friend?
( The question is ambiguous, and intentionally so - there is space to talk about what precedes it; how it went; how it ended - or something else entirely. He can only imagine it's delicate. But ... it seems more meaningful than starting with a question useful, but general. )
no subject
Funny, he's never really cared what others thought of him before. When did that change?
But Yuki's question is a serious one, and demands a serious answer. Zvei's mismatched eyes dart again as he tries to figure out where to even start with that one...]
...Her name was Fiona. She was a coworker; a fellow Operative in Ruby Dawn. While I worked on researching magicaeli for the guild, she was a field agent - she often took out dangerous monsters all on her own, and was a formidable threat in her own right.
But she was... lonely, I think. She didn't have many close friends within Ruby Dawn and needed someone to talk to. For whatever reason, she decided I was going to be that person, and she didn't let go.
[Sort of like what they're doing right now. It earns a humorless chuckle from him.]
My research allowed us access to the World Tree, the Aeli. Ruby Dawn's aim was to explore the isle of Aelio, where the Aeli resides and learn all we could about the World Tree.
...My goal was to merge with the Aeli itself - essentially to become a god. I knew the risks; there was a very real chance I would die or be merged with the Aeli entirely, or even end the entire world... but it was a risk I was willing to take.
Fiona was the first to try to stop me. I killed her.
[It's straightforward, but more serious than he usually is; said in a way that's almost devoid of any and all feeling, because... well, because it is. These are the facts; this is what happened. It's complicated now, in hindsight, but it wasn't at the time. Was it?]
...She looked... sad, for some reason. Not angry or hurt.
no subject
It's a much more thorough answer than he expected, on a scale he didn't expect. It's complex, and foreign, and yet, at its heart - familiar, and simple. )
... You would know her better than I did. But perhaps she wished things had gone differently.
( He had only been sad when he had felt in Ageha's heart he was something she was willing to sacrifice to regain Leo. The hurt had only come after - here, after stewing in it. But, in the moment ... he just wished things were different. That he had been enough to stay her grief over something she'd lost.
But he doesn't know Fiona, and Zvei isn't sure on her, either. Maybe... there isn't anyone who can be sure of what she meant. And that's ... so terribly sad. )
... Did you merge, in the end? Was it worth it?
( He has to assume some aspect of it didn't work, else Zvei would be with memories now.
He has things to say. But he can be patient. )
no subject
[That makes a lot of sense. She'd always fought; that was what she was good at. She knew she'd have to fight him, because that's what she did. He knew he had to kill her, because she was too strong to be left alive. Maybe that is why she was sad, because things could have been different if only he'd chosen a different path.
...]
I did. The Aeli and I were as one and I was so close to figuring out how to restore those memories...
But the other members of Ruby Dawn stopped me. I fought them, but it wasn't enough.
[He killed more of them too, but they didn't matter nearly as much as Fiona had.]
If I'd had five, maybe ten more minutes, I would have those memories.
[So close, and yet so damned far now. There's no telling what will happen if he returns home. Though that may be lost to him now that he's dead. If there's another way, though...
Was it worth it?
A question he isn't sure how to answer. No, because it didn't work. Yes, because it was so close and if he could get at it again, for just a bit longer...]
...I don't know. [The honest answer, because he said he'd tell Yuki the truth.] It wasn't enough to truly be worth it, but I can't say I regret it either.
[For a moment, it almost felt like he understood everything. Not just about himself and everyone around him, but about the world, his place in it, and existence as a whole. For that brief time, things made sense.
Was it worth it?
Was it?]
no subject
A sigh. Zvei may not have spelt out those deaths, but Yuki can assume whatever happened during that fight, death or not, wasn't any more merciful, if even Fiona wasn't spared. Perhaps not intentionally cruel, but ... efficient? They were just in the way? Is that it? It's sickening to even think of lives being spent in that way. Moreso coming from someone who, until up until now, he thought was a kind and harmless person. )
... Your actions are truly reprehensible.
( He's not going to sugar coat his opinion on it. There's no "but" to this, either. Zvei This Sucks.
Still, what he asks here is not condemnation phrased as a question - it is genuine: )
Do you not consider how others have lives, goals ... hopes, dreams ... that are just as valuable as yours?
no subject
[He won't deny it; to deny it or try to justify it further would be to turn a blind eye to what he's done. He won't do that.]
I understand that, though it's... [Hmm.] It's as though there's a sense of disconnect between what others think and feel and how much I can understand of that. I am truly dreadful at telling when someone is lying, or what they're thinking and feeling if they don't spell it out for me.
I... struggle with such basic things that most people inherently understand. I won't know why that is, or how to fix it, without my memories.
[Yuki got it exactly right; it isn't as though he was intentionally cruel, but there's certainly no denying that his actions were ultimately cruel. Circling back again to the idea of how much intention plays into something like this - where at the end of the day, harm was caused and the intention behind it matters little when it was a very selfish desire.]
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"How to fix it"... )
... Is that why you want them returned? To change who you are?
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[Like it's the most obvious thing in the world. And, well, it is, to Zvei at least.]
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More than that, though ... )
... And, should you change, what kind of person do you want to become?
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Someone who understands others better. Someone who has a place in the world that isn't carved out through desperation.
[Anyone else he thinks, but doesn't dare say.]
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... No, he can't hate him. He can condemn the things he's done and he can scold him for things he might consider doing, but ... he doesn't think the core of him is cruel. Maybe desperate and misguided is truly the best way to put it - like the mindset Yuki had decayed into when he was become a monster. He'd just wanted someone to stay with him. He didn't want to be alone. So, he'd try to hold Reiju close.
He rubs his thumb in half-circles along Zvei's hand. )
... Then let's begin now. I might not be able to give you a perfect guide on everyone, but I can at least try to teach you a few things through me.
( Yuki, despite being exceptionally emotional, truly hates that about himself - and so his instinct is to pack it up in a little box and hide it away in his heart. He wants to be loved, but he doesn't like letting people in. What he hated more than anything about the week leading up to his execution is how so many of his emotions were on open display - no wonder people wanted to be rid of him. (That's what Yuki thinks, anyway.)
But death has reoriented his perspective, a little. His feelings are still complex, especially given his circumstance of death, and present situation, but - he thinks he's okay letting Zvei in through the door. )
... And if the time does come where you think you might need to throw me away, I simply won't let you. I'll stay right here.
( Because maybe, instead of always asking, what he needs to do is simply refuse. I won't let you throw me away. And that's that. )
no subject
But before he can even thank Yuki for it, he continues. Zvei blinks before throwing his head back and laughing. Usually his laugh is short and sharp, a quick burst that dies out immediately. This lasts for longer; still a bit too evil-sounding for a truly amused laugh, but that's what it is - because the one thing Zvei has always loved about people is that they truly can surprise you in the most unexpected of ways.]
Good! Then don't let go. ...Not that I intend to give you a reason to have to worry about that, anyway.
[He squeezes Yuri's hand again, loosening his grip from "clinging" back to something a little easier, a little more relaxed. A little more "Zvei" and a little less... well, whatever that intensity was a moment ago. He's settled quite a bit, anyway.]
Thank you for listening. I apologize for the poor timing, but I didn't want to leave you in the dark any longer. For what it's worth, I'm pleased we were given the same room. I'm glad we met.
no subject
And ... his expression softens considerably when Zvei reassures him; when Zvei thanks him in turn. )
Well, I can assure you now that the sentiment remains mutual. ( Fufu. And. u know what! He will add, for Zvei: ) ... It makes me very happy to hear you say that. I'm happy to be liked, but I'm happier when someone feels the same as I do for them.
( Maybe that's a given? Well, Zvei can tell him if it is.
He lets their hands fall relaxed between them, less urgency in his hold and his posture - that Sure Was. but it's all right, he thinks. It was something he needed to learn. )
... I'd rather have known than not, and sooner than later. Especially now, when I question my perception. ( It helps to have something he can be reassured is true. ) ... I will admit, I am not always the best at showing my emotions. I think... I often feel so many of them, I don't know what to do with myself. I put a stopper on them, and I try to keep them in. I suppose am a little overwhelmed given everything, right now, but . . .
( ... hmmm... how to put it... )
... I would prefer this to there being a greater distance between us.
no subject
[No, really, it does help tremendously to state the things that may be obvious to most people, because Zvei is not most people. Emotionally, he is about on par with your average rock. He's doing his best but his best is Bad.]
I agree. I'm used to hiding so much of myself... it's a little odd to actually be honest, for once. I'm pleased that you feel that you can be a bit more open about your feelings. Rest assured that I won't judge or think any less of you for them.
[He may find them a curiosity, but so it goes with Zvei. Better for him to be interested than not at all, right??]
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Still, as for not judging him, or thinking less of him for his feelings............ That makes him a different kind of happy. Hold on. He brings a floppy sleeve to his lips. Hold on he has to take his assertion he'd explain himself back because he's not sure how to articulate this one-- )
... That's... thank you. ( He glances off - arbitrarily toward the pond, but his hold is a little firmer. ) I... to be honest, I was worried I'd irritate you this past week. When I was ... getting sick, it grew increasingly difficult to hide how I felt, as I always do.
( Stressing out, being clingy, asking if they were friends or not... thinking about it is both embarrassing and gut-twisting, knowing they were both his true feelings, if pushed to an extreme of fear and anxiety - and that he had no control over any of it. )
... I'm endlessly grateful you took it in stride. I don't think... everyone did. But I would not expect them to. The depth of my emotion has always been a nuisance to others.
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[Zvei shakes his head, smiling ruefully.]
It truly wasn't a bother, though. I can only imagine how... frustrating it must have been to feel so helpless against it. But really, I didn't mind it at all. I feel as though we did grow quite a bit closer because of it.
[His mismatched eyes drop purposefully to their hands for a moment before he grins at Yuki again.]
I can't speak for anyone else, but you have never been a nuisance to me. I don't expect you to be one here either. Try not to worry about that around me, at least!
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... Well, I'll take your word for it. ( If he had a tail he'd be wagging it. ) That makes me quite happy, too.
( hehe )
So? how do you feel now?
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I'm pleased to hear it.
[But that question gets him to incline his head a bit as he considers. Hmm. Well, it's not like he's feeling the usual emptiness so clearly he's feeling something...]
Relieved, I think. As though a weight has been lifted off of me. I'm certainly feeling a bit more at ease now that we've discussed all of that. It was... bothering me, I think.
[That Yuki considered him a good person and was unwavering in reaching out a hand to help, despite not knowing who - what - exactly he was dealing with.]
(no subject)