[ well. isn't this building an event bigger picture for him here. or, well, expanding on the picture that he had built already in his mind based on what he has been learning right here and now. sort of? hopefully.
fran is learning that that is an extremely messy circumstance and one filled with a lot more need of clarification. ]
...I doubt he would have allowed you to fill that spot that he took. [ just from the read he got from julius. ] Though I know that doesn't really help with what you had to deal with. You can only ever do what you believe is best at that time.
Then, I'll ask you again, what would have been your more ideal outcome for what happened? [ ludger may have told him he had no idea but surely there's an ideal somewhere. some sort of pipe dream in a sea of impossibilities. ] Since you're given the time and the perspective to think about it now—how would you have wanted things to play out?
[ they are not the same even in the slightest with their guilt, but fran is still someone who had make a decision that caused things to spiral out of control. how many people were hurt because of his inaction? the weight of it all... ]
For me, since I've had time to think about what I didn't do, then I absolutely would have stood my ground when I confronted Queen Victoria that day. [ ... ] I was afraid of dying and felt so much shame for what happened...so I ran.
... I wish Julius hadn't just. Left a note. I wish he could have told me what was coming face to face, before it happened.
[ knowing Julius, it was some misplaced attempt to spare both of them some pain - but Ludger had never felt more alone then at the dining table, reading the words left behind. ]
And I wish I'd known more, earlier. Maybe we wouldn't have found anything in the end but... I would have liked to look for another way to Canaan.
[ ... ]
I should have chased Julius down a long time before everything unfolded.
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no subject
fran is learning that that is an extremely messy circumstance and one filled with a lot more need of clarification. ]
...I doubt he would have allowed you to fill that spot that he took. [ just from the read he got from julius. ] Though I know that doesn't really help with what you had to deal with. You can only ever do what you believe is best at that time.
[ even if it doesn't feel like it later. ]
no subject
[ at least until Nova filled him in. ]
And of course Julius wouldn't let me do that - that's why he didn't say anything until he had to. So there wouldn't be another choice.
[ so Ludger or one of his friends would have no other option but to kill Julius. and that's where a kernel of resentment towards his brother lies. ]
no subject
[ they are not the same even in the slightest with their guilt, but fran is still someone who had make a decision that caused things to spiral out of control. how many people were hurt because of his inaction? the weight of it all... ]
For me, since I've had time to think about what I didn't do, then I absolutely would have stood my ground when I confronted Queen Victoria that day. [ ... ] I was afraid of dying and felt so much shame for what happened...so I ran.
no subject
[ knowing Julius, it was some misplaced attempt to spare both of them some pain - but Ludger had never felt more alone then at the dining table, reading the words left behind. ]
And I wish I'd known more, earlier. Maybe we wouldn't have found anything in the end but... I would have liked to look for another way to Canaan.
[ ... ]
I should have chased Julius down a long time before everything unfolded.