PC - McGillis

[maladied]

Comments

[vivisexual]

[McGillis looks so fancy and regal that Yugamu is visibly surprised to see McGillis sit on the floor. He rolls the bowling ball over to McGillis. Have a throw, buddy.]

You and Ramuda were close, right? I'm sure you're the most thrown by what happened.

[vogelfrei]

[ Maybe McGillis is not as fancy as you think he is...!! Or maybe the last week just broke him completely, that might also be a factor. He's... not having a throw though because he's still no fun, unfortunately. ]

... yes, we must have looked that way to you.

[ And he'd be lying if he that it hadn't been representative of their relationship up to that point. ]

He made his choices.

[vivisexual]

I didn't talk to him too much, but we got along. He seemed fun.

[But then yeah..... The hell was all that about!!!!]

I found myself getting mad when he said he killed miss Sasaki simply because she was a convenient target... But then I realized what a hypocrite I was, with all the strangers I've killed. Even though I've decided to switch careers, that doesn't undo all of those deaths, does it?

[vogelfrei]

[ McGillis' beef isn't remotely with who Ramuda killed or why, but he's still playing the benevolent leader so he can't very well say that. He's quiet for a moment, weighing his words. ]

It doesn't. Our past is not something we can outrun.

[ Another beat. ]

You did what you had to. So did he.

[vivisexual]

[Yugamu wouldn't have had an issue if Ramuda had a reason to kill her specifically, it's the aimlessness of it. He can say that later, maybe.]

What I had to... That's why I'm having angst. He said he was made that way. My parents raised me to be a killer.

[He takes the ball back and pushes it down the alley. It knocks a single pin over.]

I love my family, so I guess it never occurred to me that maybe it was bad what they did.

[vogelfrei]

[ There's a lot to unpack here. Silence stretches on again, as McGillis traces the way of the ball with his eyes and then watches the trembling pin adjacent to the falling, until it finally stops and stands still. ]

Why did you stop your career? Just to go to that 'school'?

[vivisexual]

[The return machine lowers and with a clunk the ball is shoved into the back of the contraption.]

Hah, no, we were conscripted into Last Defense Academy against our will or even knowledge. Just... Poof!

[He gestures vaguely with his hands.]

And there we were, outside of the TRC for the first time in our lives and told we were the last hope of all humanity. Which I was fine with. I knew how to fight. Maybe I was even glad, just to kill monsters with no will.

I was already doubting that the assassin life was for me. I'd never really had a passion for it... But then I had an unusual client. A chronically girl hired me to kill her. She'd had enough of the countless procedures her parents put her put her through just to prolong her life. That was the first time I actually found a job fulfilling. Because I realized for some people, death is the greatest gift you can give them.

I don't want to kill anyone unless it's out of love. That's why I decided I couldn't be an assassin anymore. But I think I needed to be away from my family for a while to get the courage to commit to leaving. So in a way I'm grateful for my time at the Last Defense Academy.

[vogelfrei]

[ McGillis listens quietly, attentively. In a way, he's glad Yugamu puts his money where his mouth is - to be so open about his life, his wounds both metaphorical and literal... He doesn't demand of others what he wouldn't give. It makes McGillis feel less resentful of having been asked for his own openness, that he is so unwilling to give.

But what a story... There's a lot to unpack here. ]

And your family would accept this?

[ He cannot imagine they would. Yugamu is an investment that is threatening to no longer pay off, surely. ]

[vivisexual]

[He's oddly well adjusted and emotionally intelligent considering the everything about him.]

They did! It took them a bit to accept it but at the end of the day my parents just want us to be happy and fulfilled. And besides, having a doctor on call would actually be useful to them as well!

[vogelfrei]

[ Hello...??? McGillis' eyebrows shoot all the way up, but in the end it's hard to imagine Yugamu lying. ]

... how fortunate.

[ Forgive him if he sounds a little dry, maybe even a little sarcastic. It's impossible to wrap his head around this setup properly. Surgeries so invasive and effective he can't even conceive of them. A family that wants to see their child thrive even at economical loss. It all seems fake. Unreachable. ]

Normally, one would think that all that's been done to you is the exact opposite of love, but the world is wider than anyone ever expexted.

[vivisexual]

[Yugamu settles a little at that.]

Yeah... That's part of what I was thinking about. I've always thought there wasn't anything wrong with it... They were trying to help me find my niche and my passion. All of my other siblings picked their method of murder at a young age, and any modifications they received were catered to that.

It's not like I ever felt like I wanted to refuse them? But maybe I should have?

[vogelfrei]

A child can't refuse their parents. Not easily, and rarely meaningfully.

[ That's the problem, isn't it? Always, everywhere. ]

[vivisexual]

... I suppose so. You want to make your parents happy, after all.

But I feel like you're speaking from experience, McGillis.

[vogelfrei]

[ ... make your parents happy, huh? There's a wry smile at that. ]

Is that your question? Remember, you only get one.

[ Also oh, he's been upgraded to first name basis... He can't exactly complain, he'd been getting kind of sick of the Fareed name lately. ]

[vivisexual]

[I actually forgot but yeah they can be friends now.

Anyway he sighs why does this have to be transactional!!! Whatever, uno reverse:]

Technically it was a statement and not a question.

[vogelfrei]

A statement doesn't require an answer.

[ TWO CAN PLAY THIS GAME, YUGAMU!! ]

[vivisexual]

You'd be a terrible coversationalist if you just let a statement that suggests a follow up fall dead.

[vogelfrei]

Is it falling dead? I'd say we are talking just fine. Bantering, even.

[vivisexual]

[Well now Yugamu is just going to lie here and stare at him because he's a little shit.

He also reaches up with his freak arms to grab the bowling ball from the return but for the moment he just holds it on his chest.]

[vogelfrei]

[ Oh, he's pouting now, huh... ]

I gave you my word while in a state of mind that a court might recognize as lacking legal accountability, and I'm still here to fulfill it.

[ To say nothing of the whole betrayal and murder thing that happened in between. ]

I think you should recognize I am meeting you halfway.

[vivisexual]

[Tch... Fine.]

Fine, fine. But I think what I want to ask is... If you could change one thing about your life, what would you change?

[vogelfrei]

[ .... ah. That's... hm, that's a good question. ]

How big of a change can it be? How early can it set in?

[vivisexual]

It's a hypothetical so I don't see a reason to set limitations. Whatever you like.

cw suicidal ideation

[vogelfrei]

[ McGillis pauses for a moment, looking up at the ceiling of the arcade with its horrid fluorescent lights. ]

I would be born somewhere else, as someone else.

[ That's cleanest, isn't it? There is no other junction he could take that would spare him the pain. There is much he has accomplished in his life, he has friends and dreams... but being here, in this space, makes him realize how much all of it is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Was it worth it to come this far? He doesn't know. So if he has to live again, all over, throw the dice again and give him different starting conditions. ]

[vivisexual]

[Ok so his answer is to be a completely different person. Yikes.]

Are... You okay? There's not anything you'd miss from the life you have now?

[MCGILLIS LOOK AT THIS RARE GENUINE CONCERN AS YUGAMU ACTUALLY SITS UP.]