[ Ah. Yeah, that would be pretty upsetting - and it instantly makes McGillis think of back when Hansa drank the well water. Well, it checks that the Third Power could do this to them even without the direct contact. ]
That spells out a pattern already - and since it is affecting all of us in some form, we can hope it'll be just as temporary as the other inconveniences. I hope this can console her a little.
[He's come to enjoy Mcgillis' company so he won't even comment on how comfortable he's become in turn.]
... That... if I'm honest I'm not entirely sure? I was trying to create a vaccine type of cure from the infected blood samples we have.
But for some reason after I opened the centrifuge, those things started coming out? It's almost like a killed virus vaccine version of those horrible hands.
[ That's not the production process McGillis expected, but it's also way more interesting than whatever inane answer he thought he was about to hear. ]
So when they demand objects... Could those be broken down wishes, do you think?
[ And they disappear after they are granted. Hm. ]
Where would you normally draw the line between the two? Is it down to how unreachable the object of desire feels?
[ Why is language use so imprecise and vibes-based... Normally he does not mind this and it makes for beautiful literature, but they need to quantify wishing for science here!! ]
I'm pretty sure it's a stretch to call them alive so I can't really begrudge them of that.
[Also like a virus... Debatably alive.]
But there are still certainly things that would be out of anyone's reach to make happen on their own... If something gave you the power to do that... What would you do?
[ That is so weirdly emotionally mature to just analyze and admit. McGillis crosses his arms, leaning against a more stable shelf, as he studies Yugamu's expression. ]
[Yugamu is the most emotionally mature pervert you will ever meet.]
It was, previously.
[He pauses, then continues without looking up at McGillis, instead finding some test tubes to meaninglessly bush his hands with.]
I told you about my family. I also told you I found out my entire life with them was fake, manufactured. They weren't real. But I love my family. And I hated that reality that all of us were nothing but weapons of war. My family was fictional. They're real now.
That explains the strange contradictions McGillis had been noticing in the way Yugamu spoke about his story. And it might explain some other things, if McGillis is getting the right idea here.
What a funny mirror this is of a conversation he's had a bit more than a week ago. Just like he did back then, McGillis keeps his expression neutral. ]
So you seized your chance. Do you think that's why this place offers you privileges now?
[ The very lab they stand in is prove of that favoritism. ]
[The neutral response is rewarded with an honest answer;]
Maybe. But more than that, I want you to understand that if it ever offers you a wish... Please don't take it. The reason why I'm here trying to find the cure is because my wish was the source of it in my world. It's my fault.
[ Oh, that is rich. Every missing piece between the setup of their two groups and the remaining questions about their stint in Victorian England suddenly fall into place and McGillis almost feels like laughing.
This is it. This has been it all along.
Oh, how awful. No wonder they were cagey! And overtly concerned with what felt like an unfortunately deadly misunderstanding! How could he not have seen it before? With hindsight, it feels almost obvious. ]
So casting a wish is like inviting it in.
[ God. ]
Did you think that telling us all this would just confirm to us that the rewards are real and motivate us to pay the bloody price?
[ He doesn't sound angry, but there's a bit of tension in his voice now. ]
Ah, no, of course not! Especially not now... I don't think any of you would consider that an acceptable cost. If anything I'd hope it would make it less enticing.
[Or at least he hopes.]
I can't speak for the others, but personally... I don't know if I could forgive or trust someone who did what I did. I didn't know my wish would cause the disease but how can I prove that's true? I didn't want you all to hate me. I'm sorry.
[ It's the answer McGillis least wanted to hear: the pathetic one. The hypocrisy of it all could drive a man to madness. There's a lot he has to say to this, a jumble of cutting remarks racing each other to get to the forefront, but he bites back on them. His anger has always run cold not hot, and this situation won't be different. ]
Why come to me for your confession?
[ Hansa would be better suited to forgive sins, surely. ]
I didn't want to tell someone I thought would fly off the handle at me about it like Mx Siffrin but I also didn't want someone too willing to forgive me like Nozomi.
I felt like you were, of the people I'm comfortable with, most likely to handle it pragmatically.
[He offers up a weak smile.]
Though I guess if you wanted to hit me I wouldn't mind.
[ Both for freak pervert reasons and for guilt complex reasons. Neither of which appeal to McGillis to play into, thank you very much. ]
But I am angry with you and yours. Your vanity has cost us valuable information and valuable time to work with that information.
[ And also the chain reaction set off by Amaya's death, but... well, he's not sure Ramuda wouldn't have taken the deal even if he'd known, so he's not that interested in laying the whole thing at Yugamu's feet here. ]
[He knew McGillis would refuse but he had to say it. Anyway he nods, grimly.]
I don't know that this would have helped find a cure faster, but it's the fact that I don't know that shows we needed to share it... No matter how bad it made us look.
But you do understand now why it was so important we live, why we were so extraordinarily cautious for the sake of finding a cure? It's our fault. So we need to be the ones to cure our worlds.
[ Dooming your world for a wish... It it was a life to exchange for a power beyond human belief, McGillis would have made that exchange easily. He hadn't been able to answer Yugamu about what he'd do because the answer would be too damning, and he too needs people here to put their trust in him.
Still... This is a headache and a half. He can't agree with what has been done, but it is perfectly cowardly human. It reminds him of everything he hates about the current day Gjallarhorn. ]
So when you say 'pragmatic about it'... Are you expecting me to carry this information back to the group in your place?
[ McGillis exhales. He hadn't appreciated the idea of the four of them hiding under his coattails rather than coming clean themselves, so this is a lot better. ]
Even people who would have been willing to forgive you for your actions might not forgive you for keeping them secret this long.
If your relationships are what you value, you'd do better to never come clean.
[ Of course, that means McGillis might rat him out instead. But he knows what it's like to carry a secret that will completely kill your social life, so it's hard not to say this much anyway. ]
But if you value finding a cure and a way out, you should reveal exactly how it all happened. Where, when, how, on what timeline... There's no such thing as a benign detail here.
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That spells out a pattern already - and since it is affecting all of us in some form, we can hope it'll be just as temporary as the other inconveniences. I hope this can console her a little.
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[A beat before he adds;]
but surely you didn't come here just to talk about that?
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[ He laughs lightly. That's right, these are the kinds of conversational pleasantries you have now earned, Yugamu. How did this happen. ]
I was curious about your 'experiment'. How did you manage to create something like that?
[ And while this is true, something else also is: this is a social call. ]
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... That... if I'm honest I'm not entirely sure? I was trying to create a vaccine type of cure from the infected blood samples we have.
But for some reason after I opened the centrifuge, those things started coming out? It's almost like a killed virus vaccine version of those horrible hands.
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So when they demand objects... Could those be broken down wishes, do you think?
[ And they disappear after they are granted. Hm. ]
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Maybe... These seem more like simple wants but I suppose the broken down and simplified version of a wish would be that.
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[ Why is language use so imprecise and vibes-based... Normally he does not mind this and it makes for beautiful literature, but they need to quantify wishing for science here!! ]
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Wishes should either be hard or impossible to realize by normal means, I think.
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At the same time, what is 'impossible to realize' depends on the individual's circumstances.
[ He absolutely has been in a position of wishing for a sandwich before. ]
Your little.... creations do not seem like they are adept at obtaining things on their own, that is for sure.
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[Also like a virus... Debatably alive.]
But there are still certainly things that would be out of anyone's reach to make happen on their own... If something gave you the power to do that... What would you do?
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A bit of a loaded question to ask right here and now, isn't it?
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I suppose I'm being unfair. I'm trying to get reassurance without actually admitting to the thing I feel guilty about.
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Has something been offered to you?
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It was, previously.
[He pauses, then continues without looking up at McGillis, instead finding some test tubes to meaninglessly bush his hands with.]
I told you about my family. I also told you I found out my entire life with them was fake, manufactured. They weren't real. But I love my family. And I hated that reality that all of us were nothing but weapons of war. My family was fictional. They're real now.
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That explains the strange contradictions McGillis had been noticing in the way Yugamu spoke about his story. And it might explain some other things, if McGillis is getting the right idea here.
What a funny mirror this is of a conversation he's had a bit more than a week ago. Just like he did back then, McGillis keeps his expression neutral. ]
So you seized your chance. Do you think that's why this place offers you privileges now?
[ The very lab they stand in is prove of that favoritism. ]
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Maybe. But more than that, I want you to understand that if it ever offers you a wish... Please don't take it. The reason why I'm here trying to find the cure is because my wish was the source of it in my world. It's my fault.
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This is it. This has been it all along.
Oh, how awful. No wonder they were cagey! And overtly concerned with what felt like an unfortunately deadly misunderstanding! How could he not have seen it before? With hindsight, it feels almost obvious. ]
So casting a wish is like inviting it in.
[ God. ]
Did you think that telling us all this would just confirm to us that the rewards are real and motivate us to pay the bloody price?
[ He doesn't sound angry, but there's a bit of tension in his voice now. ]
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[Or at least he hopes.]
I can't speak for the others, but personally... I don't know if I could forgive or trust someone who did what I did. I didn't know my wish would cause the disease but how can I prove that's true? I didn't want you all to hate me. I'm sorry.
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Why come to me for your confession?
[ Hansa would be better suited to forgive sins, surely. ]
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I felt like you were, of the people I'm comfortable with, most likely to handle it pragmatically.
[He offers up a weak smile.]
Though I guess if you wanted to hit me I wouldn't mind.
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[ Both for freak pervert reasons and for guilt complex reasons. Neither of which appeal to McGillis to play into, thank you very much. ]
But I am angry with you and yours. Your vanity has cost us valuable information and valuable time to work with that information.
[ And also the chain reaction set off by Amaya's death, but... well, he's not sure Ramuda wouldn't have taken the deal even if he'd known, so he's not that interested in laying the whole thing at Yugamu's feet here. ]
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I don't know that this would have helped find a cure faster, but it's the fact that I don't know that shows we needed to share it... No matter how bad it made us look.
But you do understand now why it was so important we live, why we were so extraordinarily cautious for the sake of finding a cure? It's our fault. So we need to be the ones to cure our worlds.
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Still... This is a headache and a half. He can't agree with what has been done, but it is perfectly cowardly human. It reminds him of everything he hates about the current day Gjallarhorn. ]
So when you say 'pragmatic about it'... Are you expecting me to carry this information back to the group in your place?
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More I trusted you to handle learning this... And I was hoping for a reasonable outside perspective on what we should do.
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Even people who would have been willing to forgive you for your actions might not forgive you for keeping them secret this long.
If your relationships are what you value, you'd do better to never come clean.
[ Of course, that means McGillis might rat him out instead. But he knows what it's like to carry a secret that will completely kill your social life, so it's hard not to say this much anyway. ]
But if you value finding a cure and a way out, you should reveal exactly how it all happened. Where, when, how, on what timeline... There's no such thing as a benign detail here.
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