[Lobelia's looking a little worse for wear tonight. Trial didn't seem to bother him particularly — it never does — but he visibly starts when Hansa arrives. That he would lose focus long enough to be caught off guard annoys Lobelia, but he doesn't let the look of frustration linger long on his face in Hansa's company.
Lobelia steps further into the sitting room, motioning for Hansa to follow.]
[Lobelia lifts his head. He's smiling, but he doesn't look happy. Not at all.]
I got an earful from our petit criminel. It's my fault that there is a target on his back, you know. I hadn't thought it necessary to lie about what I knew.
[All of this over a goddamn fermata. Nobody even knows what that fucking is, man.]
[Lying won't get him anywhere when the truth won't either, so why bother lying? Either way, Ramuda has a rope around his neck. Either way, the guillotine will drop.]
It's frustrating, but not for the reasons you may think. I've never ended a life by mistake. It simply does not happen.
[Conscious or not, Ramuda's blood is on his hands. Everything his hands touch breaks. No promise was ever going to amend that.]
In this case, Lobelia...I have to say. He ended his own life, with his own actions. That's not a good thing. But at the same time, your answer was not some grand thing preventing him from his fate.
[Lobelia's gaze doesn't waver. If anything, the Hansa's gentleness only sharpens the ache beneath his ribs.]
Perhaps. If he chose his own end, then that is its own kind of truth. I won't argue it. But you mistake me, mon Père. I never claimed the Tower forces fate, only that it reveals where the foundations were already cracked.
[He exhales, a low, humorless sound.]
I break what is weak. I always have. Ramuda was simply standing too close when the stone finally gave way.
[Lobelia can't help but smile. Hansa knows how to cut to the heart of it, doesn't he?]
Would it matter if he did? I've never asked anyone to care— not Ramuda, not anyone else in this world. That is one weight I refuse to be burdened with.
And yet here you are, eating yourself inside over it.
[He won't be less than blunt about this.]
He blamed you, and you feel like you let him down because of it. I said a remark the last time we met that disappointed you. You're one of the people in this world that is more burdened by the thoughts of the people you like than you tell yourself.
[...That's true, isn't it? That's a flaw. A weak point in his armor. That isn't a virtue by any stretch of the imagination— not as far as Lobelia is concerned.
His brow knits. He's too spread thin from exhaustion to concern himself with appearances. Of course he's upset about it. He knows what it feels like to be upset.]
It's a problème I can't seem to rid myself of. I didn't ask for this.
[A low laugh, but he almost looks a little fond as he says:]
This is a "problem" that comes with having a human heart. It's awful to feel, I know. But it, too, is a beautiful thing. Your care will bring you happiness. I know it.
[Lobelia can at least manage a dramatic sigh... because really, for as much as Lobelia has wanted to feel normal, the reality of having connections to others is a lot less pleasant. Life was easier when the only pains he took on were his own.]
...I do hope you're right. Unfortunately, I would like to believe what you say.
[To be filled with something like hope? Terrifying. If he weren't so tired, he might consider shaking Hansa for his audacity.]
You really are a troublesome man. Is that what makes you happy? Digging through the mud until you uncover the good in others?
Unfortunately? You should say "fortunately". You're going to hurt my feelings.
[Hehehe.]
Me? I'm just happy in general. [CAITIE VOICE WHEN IS HE NOT HAPPY THAT WELL ADJUSTED BITCH] But it does bring a sparkle to my eye to cause something like this to happen.
I think I am certain. It's something that feels solid, like a rock. I might be sad, angry, or annoyed. But there's a level of satisfaction about my life and where I am. I feel fulfilled by my faith, and the people around me.
[He hums a little.]
I guess...I feel full, so to speak. Like there's nothing missing.
[Lobelia listens, silent, almost too still... and then he sighs, draping his dramatic self across the couch. Why must God hate him when he's been nothing but a good boy his whole life................]
Ah, but it would be so simple, wouldn't it? Je t'envie! Meanwhile, I have nothing but space to fill. A few more holes and I may vanish entirely...
[He peers at Hansa.]
...You recall what I've asked you to do for me, non?
Heh! Bien, bien! I would be disappointed if you thought so easily of killing me.
[If he failed to leave an impression on Hansa, he'd be incredibly offended. Enough to haunt him from the depths of hell, probably.]
...Well, promise you won't forget it. It's never a bad idea to have a contingency plan, oui? I know you care for the others and their wellbeing as well.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
week 2, saturday
Lobelia steps further into the sitting room, motioning for Hansa to follow.]
Bonne soirée. Did you enjoy today's festivities?
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[Which surprises him, but he's sliding into a firm look as he follows the man in.]
Could be better. [And now he will take a seat, thank you.] What about you? I've been thinking of how rough you've been looking all night.
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[What's with the severe look? Lobelia laughs it off, but he still feels it cut him. Lobelia sits opposite Hansa, too poised.]
You're staring at me as though you'll burn me at the stake if I answer incorrectly. Mon Père... why the third degree?
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[That's
really all it is. That's all it could be.]
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I wish you wouldn't be. I've gone against the one promise I've made in my life all while being none the wiser. As it goes.
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[The one promise he ever made?]
[Being none the wiser?]
[He doesn't want to assume. He doesn't want to make the same mistake he did before.]
[Gently:]
...What happened?
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I got an earful from our petit criminel. It's my fault that there is a target on his back, you know. I hadn't thought it necessary to lie about what I knew.
[All of this over a goddamn fermata. Nobody even knows what that fucking is, man.]
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[He shakes his head, smile rueful. Yes, he will just put that name out there like that.]
How rich of him.
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[Lying won't get him anywhere when the truth won't either, so why bother lying? Either way, Ramuda has a rope around his neck. Either way, the guillotine will drop.]
It's frustrating, but not for the reasons you may think. I've never ended a life by mistake. It simply does not happen.
[Conscious or not, Ramuda's blood is on his hands. Everything his hands touch breaks. No promise was ever going to amend that.]
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[He leans forward, hands clasping in his lap.]
In this case, Lobelia...I have to say. He ended his own life, with his own actions. That's not a good thing. But at the same time, your answer was not some grand thing preventing him from his fate.
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Perhaps. If he chose his own end, then that is its own kind of truth. I won't argue it. But you mistake me, mon Père. I never claimed the Tower forces fate, only that it reveals where the foundations were already cracked.
[He exhales, a low, humorless sound.]
I break what is weak. I always have. Ramuda was simply standing too close when the stone finally gave way.
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[Sorry, that gentleness is actually becoming something more stern.]
Does Ramuda care about what you feel? Or is he happy to let you throw your pity party by yourself?
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Would it matter if he did? I've never asked anyone to care— not Ramuda, not anyone else in this world. That is one weight I refuse to be burdened with.
[And yet it drags him down. It staggers him.]
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[He won't be less than blunt about this.]
He blamed you, and you feel like you let him down because of it. I said a remark the last time we met that disappointed you. You're one of the people in this world that is more burdened by the thoughts of the people you like than you tell yourself.
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His brow knits. He's too spread thin from exhaustion to concern himself with appearances. Of course he's upset about it. He knows what it feels like to be upset.]
It's a problème I can't seem to rid myself of. I didn't ask for this.
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[A low laugh, but he almost looks a little fond as he says:]
This is a "problem" that comes with having a human heart. It's awful to feel, I know. But it, too, is a beautiful thing. Your care will bring you happiness. I know it.
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...I do hope you're right. Unfortunately, I would like to believe what you say.
[To be filled with something like hope? Terrifying. If he weren't so tired, he might consider shaking Hansa for his audacity.]
You really are a troublesome man. Is that what makes you happy? Digging through the mud until you uncover the good in others?
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[Hehehe.]
Me? I'm just happy in general. [CAITIE VOICE WHEN IS HE NOT HAPPY THAT WELL ADJUSTED BITCH] But it does bring a sparkle to my eye to cause something like this to happen.
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Hm. I can only imagine.
[Truly. Does it feel good to help others? Maybe Lobelia hasn't done enough to help, otherwise he'd surely know.]
How can you be certain what you feel is happiness? Is it really that self-evident?
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[He hums a little.]
I guess...I feel full, so to speak. Like there's nothing missing.
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Ah, but it would be so simple, wouldn't it? Je t'envie! Meanwhile, I have nothing but space to fill. A few more holes and I may vanish entirely...
[He peers at Hansa.]
...You recall what I've asked you to do for me, non?
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[And he's simply staring at him for that last question, expressionless, before he states:]
I do. Does it mean I like to think about it? No.
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[If he failed to leave an impression on Hansa, he'd be incredibly offended. Enough to haunt him from the depths of hell, probably.]
...Well, promise you won't forget it. It's never a bad idea to have a contingency plan, oui? I know you care for the others and their wellbeing as well.
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[LIKE...COME ON, MAN]
Besides. Who else could I aggravate with my bad French?
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[Please Father, stop tempting him to add more sins to his bingo card. He's going for a blackout here.]
Have you considered studying in earnest? You have the tongue for it. You never know when another language may aid you in your travels.
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